Once upon a time, there was a man. This man's name was Richard. In his youth, Richard often found himself in the most implausible of situations. As an old man with a long beard, he took to telling tales of his past to the kids in the neighborhood, but only on holidays.
Although I always looked forward to all of his stories, the one that always stuck with is was the Black Friday Terror.
Stuffed full of pumpkin pie and turkey, we would sit in a circle in front of his fireplace, slowly sipping our hot toddys, as he regaled us with this tale...
"Sometimes in a man's life, he's forced to make a hard choice. The hardest choice I ever made was in my 18th year, on this very day, the day after thanksgiving. My pop had worked his whole life to earn enough to open a small curio store. He had me working as a stock boy and cashier, and even back then, Black Friday was the busiest day of the year for us, which was rather odd, as our stock was pretty small, and we couldn't offer particularly decent sales, due to the extremely low market margin and turnover rate for what mostly amounted to ugly plates and weird toys. This year would be special, however. My dad had somehow lucked into a gorgeous ruby necklace, inlaid in the finest-spun silver we had ever seen. Even with the holiday "discount", we expected to make enough to rest easy on finances for a few months, at least. I knew I had to do my best and make dad proud while selling it.
So, early that morning, I went through our storage, and found the most luxurious, plus pillow we owned. Purple with gold trim, even, I felt the ring looked absolutely royal. I grabbed out poster board, and in my finest lettering, I painted out "For Sale- The Most Beautiful Necklace you have ever seen!" Everything set up, I eagerly anticipated the crowds who would come. And, boy, was I right. By noon, word of the necklace had spread around the town, although nobody who had come yet was willing to part with the money for it- although not surprising, this used to be a poor town.
Eventually, I did manage to get a buyer- John Jenkins was going to buy it for his wife at the time, Heather. But, as I prepared to ring it up, a sharp yet commanding voice floated across the room "WAIT!"
I froze immediately, and traced my gaze to the source of the voice- the most beautiful face I had ever laid eyes on. And it was attached to the sexiest body I had ever laid eyes on. I froze immediately, ignoring Jenkins completely. She ran, stumbled across the room to the counter, her heels clicking on the floor. Dressed in finery unlike anything this town was familiar with, she exclaimed "I'll give you five times what he's paying for that necklace! I must have it!"
I agreed immediately, but, heck, I probably would have agreed at that moment even if she offered less! I was struck. With all the strange things that happen to me, I knew this was it, this was fate, our meeting. Fantasies of marriage were already forming in my head.
Which made it all the stranger when a soft voice lilted across the room. "Please, you mustn't." Only, this time the girl was as modest as the first girl was extravagant. Dressed in simple, baggy clothes, her faced obscured by long bangs and a cap, you would find her in the dictionary under "tomboy".
Despite her firm footing, she timidly edged her way to the three of us.
"You can't sell her that necklace!" she squeaked out.
"It's my mother's necklace. It was a gift to her from my now-deceased father, and was stolen from her years ago. It was her last memory of him. I can't afford to pay you for it, but it would mean the world if you could give it to me, to return to her."
The beautiful and rich woman was understandably annoyed, and among the four of us, we quickly established that the claim could not be proven, and that the necklace was bought by our store legally. I was feeling frustrated by this obvious con artist, and began to ring up the woman with the money.
At this point, the tomboy became visibly upset, and said she had one thing that could convince me that I absolutely should give the necklace to her, but that she needed to tell me it in private. Gentleman that I was and am, I couldn't stand to see a woman so upset, and not at least give her a chance.
So, I let her lead me to the back room, and ten minutes later, I came out and agreed that I could not sell the necklace. I wrapped it up and gave it to the tomboy, and she would later go on to be your beautiful Grandma Betty, Keith-boy, and you can see her wearing that necklace in the picture up on the mantle, god rest her soul. As for what she told me? Well, boys, a story has gotta have some mysteries." (For, you see, his grandson Keith would always listen with us.)
Normally, this would be the end of the story for us, but one year, Keith wasn't with us, and he stumbled at the end of the story. Like always, we pressured him to tell us what she said, but this time, to our surprise, he relented.
"Okay, okay, but you have to promise to never reveal this story to the outside world, and that includes Keith."
After crossing our hearts and swearing and making affirmations, we all crowded in to hear Old Man Robert's secret conclusion, finally.
"What did she say? What did she say?"
"Well, boys, she actually didn't say a word. In complete silence, she undid my pants, and proceeded to give me the greatest blowjob of all time. As I finished in her mouth, I knew I had met my soul mate."
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